While growing up, my parents taught me many things. They taught me about working hard by working hard themselves. My mom taught be about the importance of saving money by taking money out of my allowance box and putting it into my savings account. My dad taught me the importance of car maintenance by making sure our cars were properly maintained. And they both taught me about God—that you found him in church but not at home. I learned that because he was never talked about in our home. I learned prayer wasn’t important because they never prayed even at mealtime. And I learned the Bible had no real application to life because they never read it. 

Often, parents are under the impression that teaching is verbal. They pass along their values to their kids by telling them about their values. They pass along their beliefs about God by telling them about God, and perhaps seek assistance in this from their local church. No doubt there is value in this, but if one thing is lacking, then likely what parents verbally teach will have no sticking power. As it was for me, it was how my parents actually lived their day-to-day lives that taught me the most about what they considered important in life. That is why I left home without deep faith. My parents had not demonstrated any. No doubt, at that time they would have claimed to be Christians, but their lives did not demonstrate any loyalty to Jesus.

Over my years working with college students, I met many parents who considered themselves Christians, but who had taught their children that their faith wasn’t the most important aspect of life. Rather, for most it was being successful and financially secure because that was so important to them. Thus, the vast majority of the students I worked with were thinking that as well when they reached campus. Most believed they were Christians, but what was most important was their grades and being successful. Few knew much about the Bible beyond some common stories taught to children. Few prayed or felt comfortable doing so. Very few had the understanding that their futures and their dreams belonged to the Lord. Instead, they came ready to fulfill their dreams and plans.

Most of my ministry was spent helping students learn about what it actually meant to have Jesus as Lord of their lives and to follow him. For so many, it was eye-opening that they had been raised by Christian parents and grew up in church and yet had not understood what it truly meant to live life as a Christian. For them it had meant going to church, having a set of intellectual beliefs, and being a relatively good person. It was what was so often modeled to them by mom and dad, who more closely reflected those Jesus described in this way: “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46)

Inevitably, when students truly learned what it meant to follow Jesus and they began to change their priorities in life, many parents became alarmed by the change. A few would accuse them of being in a cult, or taking their religion too far. Others were unhappy when their children wanted to change majors which would provide them much lower salaries in the future. I also spent time trying to persuade parents to allow their children to participate in a mission trip overseas because they felt it was too dangerous or it would keep them from celebrating Christmas with their family. What these encounters revealed was how these parents practiced their faith in God. It was often a part of their lives, but it was not the foundation of all they did in life.

It is no wonder 60-80 percent of kids growing up in Christian homes and local churches forsake the faith in college. Many want to blame the teaching at the university when most of the fault lies in what is taught at home.

If you are a parent or grandparent, realize your kids/grandkids actually learn more from you by the way you live than by what you say. If you want them to grow up to follow Jesus, the best way to teach them is to follow Jesus in your daily life. They are watching and they will learn.

© Jim Musser 2021 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.