Presence

I remember discussing culture and grief in a seminary class on pastoral care. The professor told the story of a man whose wife had recently died. He went to visit the man to see how he could help. When he arrived, another man was sitting on the front porch with the widower, saying nothing. During the professor’s entire visit, the friend said nothing. My professor explained to us why. He said his presence said all that needed to be said.

I was reminded of this story two weeks ago when a former student told me about a time I had nearly forgotten. A close friend of hers had died in a car crash and I and an associate staff member had attended the funeral. She said our presence there had made a life-long impression. It taught her that brothers and sisters are to be present for one another in times of need. She said that lesson had motivated her many times to be present for another brother or sister in Christ, and she had passed it along to her kids. When they complained they did not know someone who died, she told them that wasn’t the point. Showing up for a fellow brother or sister was.

I may have learned that lesson in a similar way when my campus minister and a dear friend attended my mother’s funeral. There were a lot of people there, but their presence was significant to me. They had shown up. Many of my friends didn’t.

Sometimes we think we need something profoundly comforting to say, or, as I mistakenly did as a young campus minister, quote Scripture verses to comfort the grieving. Often, that is what makes us reluctant to be present. We think we need to say something and are not sure what would be helpful. Yet, what really matters most is our presence, not our words. Our presence speaks louder and carries more lasting impact. Most people in the throes of grief will remember little of what is said at the visitation or the funeral, but they are likely to remember who was present.

Jesus most definitely understood the power of presence. After he had risen and given his disciples the Great Commission, he concluded with these words, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20) It was a motivation to them. And John reminds us of the powerful presence of God which will ultimately lead every tear to dry up, every thirst to be quenched, every hunger to be sated, and every body will be protected from the harsh elements. (Revelation 7:15-17) It is a reminder of the power of his presence.

Much of the time, just showing up and being present is all that is needed. It is powerful, too.

© Jim Musser 2021 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.