A Longing for More

Note: My new book, Is Your Faith Ready for College? is now available on Amazon. Check it out by clicking here.

Something interesting has happened since my wife and moved to a new area of North Carolina nine months ago. As we have begun developing friendships, we are hearing from many that they are longing for more from their church communities. They are increasingly weary of the “same old, same old.” Which translated is Sunday worship services focused on everyone up front—the pastor who is preaching, the worship band who is leading the singing, and whoever prays, leads Communion, and makes announcements.

It varies little from week to week. I believe there is a growing longing for more. Loneliness has long been a widespread trend in the American culture and has increased since the COVID pandemic.

. . . according to new, confirmatory data from Morning Consult commissioned by Cigna, more than half of U.S. adults (58%) are considered lonely. This is fairly consistent with pre-pandemic research that showed 61% of adults experiencing loneliness in 2019, after a seven percentage point increase from 2018. (The Cigna Group)

Yet, many faithful Christians who are a part of church communities feel this loneliness. They are a part of a community while yet having a deep longing for community. Think about it. On any typical Sunday, many people gather in church buildings around the country. Most will be greeted at the doors by designated greeters. If they’re extroverted, they may find people to chat with before the service begins. If introverted, they likely will head directly to the seats and wait. The service starts and, from beginning to end, more and more church services focus on the stage. At the end, there may be an invitation to come up front to announce a decision to follow Christ or for prayer. Otherwise, the service ends and people exit in similar fashion as they entered: they may greet and briefly chat with people on their way to their cars.

The question we must ask is: Is this real community? Is this the type of community to which Jesus referred when he said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35)? You may be thinking, yes, because you are experiencing that type of community from your church. I would suggest you consider whether that is true also of the fellow believers you worship with. I recall while I was working with college students that one of their greatest desires was to find a friendship group. And when they did, most were very content with those relationships and failed to notice the ones who were sitting alone or standing off to the side. I would always remind our leaders of those students and encourage them to reach out to them. Some did, but it was a struggle for most.

I have observed this in churches I have been a part of. I recall once standing in the middle of the fellowship hall of one church my wife and I had recently started attending and watching as people chatted with each other. Not one person came up to me. They were all engaged in conversations with others. And I acknowledge I have been on the other side of that, talking with people I know and ignoring others I don’t.  The point is that even if we feel connected with others, there are people in our midst who do not.

But I would carry this a step further. Even if we are connected in our church communities, are we truly satisfied or do we long for more? Here is what I am hearing from some of our new friends here, and I have similar longings:

·      To be intimately known—who we are, our life stories and the impact the Lord has had on them.

·      To pray together for each other, for the needs of the body of believers, for our nation, and for the world.

·      To do Kingdom work together, not merely talk about it, and not merely within the confines of our churches.

·      To study the Scriptures with an eye toward how specifically to apply them.

·      To be given the opportunities to use whatever spiritual gifts we have, not merely what the church leadership considers is needed (e.g. greeters, Sunday School teachers, and nursery volunteers)

·      To be valued as a part of the body.

For us to achieve this kind of community, I believe we need some significant change in how we do things in our churches. First and foremost, we need to take the focus away from the stage and put it back on the people in the seats. We have created spectators rather than participating, fully engaged members of the body.

Secondly, we need to make it our priority to disciple the adult members of the body. And not just by creating more discipleship classes, but training adults to be disciples and then train up others to be disciples. And training is different than teaching. Many pastors think they are training up their members to be disciples through their weekly preaching. However, that is like a skilled craftsman standing in front of a group of students and telling them about his craft and how to do it. Yet, how many would be become skilled at this craft if that is all he did? They must first be shown and then allowed to do it, first supervised and then on their own. This is how Jesus did it.

Third, large churches need to find a way to go small. No one can be known in a crowd of 200 or more, let alone thousands. Yes, the numbers are impressive and give church leaders the sense of success, but can people truly be known if the worship services are the main connection with the body? Home groups are essential. Groups of not more than 15 allow people to become known and to know others.

Finally, churches need to rediscover the Christian practice of hospitality—not in-church cafes or meeting after church in restaurants (though I, too, enjoy these things), but hosting people in our homes for a meal and true fellowship—sharing testimonies of what the Lord has done and is doing in our lives, our needs for prayer, and mutually encouraging one another. There is an intimacy meeting in homes that cannot be duplicated in a restaurant or coffee shop.

Loneliness is a plague on our society. It is also a need that we believers are uniquely positioned to meet. If we can understand the needs of our fellow believers as well as the needs of those in our culture and begin to change accordingly, I believe we can, like the 1st Century church, begin to draw unbelievers because of the love they see among us.

I long for that. How about you?

© Jim Musser 2023 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.