A number of years ago, I said something that unknowingly to me offended my next-door neighbor. I had intended it as a joke; he instead chose to be offended. It came up a couple of weeks afterwards in a conversation I had with him over the fence. In the following three years, he never spoke another word to me or my wife. Recently, I talked with a man in my church whose best friend has stopped talking with him because of a decision he made. The friend chose to be offended by that decision.

I was reminded yesterday morning in a small group Bible study how offended the ten disciples were at James and John when their mother (perhaps at their behest) had asked Jesus for them to sit at his right and left hand. (Matthew 20: 20-24) In other words, to be in charge along with Jesus. The other ten were livid at their arrogance. I wander if it actually was because their mother had asked what they also longed to ask but didn’t have the courage. She beat them to it!

Jesus’ response to the brothers was interesting. He didn’t rebuke them for their arrogance, nor did he choose to be offended by their request. Yet, after the other ten expressed their anger at them, Jesus said, in effect, “Okay, bring it in.” They gathered around and he told them that seeking power and authority was what the world did. They, however, were to be all about serving each other. The narrative moves on and we don’t know exactly how they responded, but there are numerous lessons here for us, but I want to focus on only one—the difference in the responses of Jesus and the ten disciples.

Each made a choice. Jesus, who it would seem had the right to be offended, given the audacity of the request, was not. The other disciples, however, who, since their Lord was not offended by the brothers, had no right to be offended but were. 

Let’s think about that for a moment. We live in a culture that is, to put it mildly, easily offended. This has definitely carried over into the church. It is all too common for those proclaiming to be Christians to become offended and shun the perpetrators of the perceived or actual offense. How many of us have become offended by other believers’ views on vaccines, masks, politics, and have chosen to have little or nothing to do with them, or to eviscerate them via social media or when we are with others? 

Or perhaps we become offended by decisions made by church leaders. This is not an uncommon occurrence. It is the reason churches split or people leave, often never discussing the issues involved before doing so. 

The question I want to pose across the spectrum of whatever may offend us is this: Do we have a right to choose to be offended when Jesus never seems to make that choice? Think about it. He was about to make his way to Jerusalem where he tells his disciples, “We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!” (Matthew 20:18-19) How would you feel when the only concern the disciples had regarded their positions in the Kingdom rather than what you were about to face? Or how about when they all deserted him in the Garden of Gethsemane? (Matthew 26:55-56) Or when the criminals on the crosses beside him mocked him? (Matthew 27:44) So many times over the course of his life, Jesus had the right to be offended, but he chose not to claim that right. Instead, he responded in love. He didn’t chew out the disciples for their arrogance and insensitivity; he used their comments and attitudes as a teaching moment. He didn’t write them off after they deserted him in the Garden; rather, after he rose from the dead, he sought them out. And when the two criminals insulted him, he held his tongue and, when one of them later acknowledged that he did not deserve to die, he had compassion on him.

If Jesus never exercised his right to be offended, what reason do we have to choose to exercise ours towards those who offend us? Of course, often in our lives we will feel the offenses coming from others. Yet, if we follow our Lord’s example, we will not choose to be offended even though we have that right. Rather, we will choose to love those who offend us. 

Imagine how different our culture and our local churches would be if we did that.

© Jim Musser 2021 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.