Valuing Relationships with Fellow Believers

I can’t count how many times over my life as a Christian that fellow brothers and sisters have pulled away from me because of some disagreement, usually over a theological point, but also over loyalties to others with whom I had disagreements. Sadly, this has been very typical of believers over the centuries. Disagreements have led to church splits, broken relationships, and, centuries ago, violent persecution.

When I first started in campus ministry, I made the mistake of telling a young freshman couple who were excited to get married that I thought they should wait awhile before making that commitment. Almost immediately, they cut me out of their lives and never spoke to me again. I believe they were and are committed Christians, they’re nearing their 40thanniversary, and seem to have done well in life. Except, they never sought to reconcile our relationship. I tried to reach out to them on several occasions but received no response. And I have little doubt they are comfortable with that, as are so many believers toward their spiritual siblings with whom they have fallen out.

My question has always been, what is the biblical justification for that? Because we’ve become theological enemies? Jesus said we are to love our enemies. Because they hurt us or sinned against us. Jesus said we are to forgive those who sin against us. With this one, most people will jump right to cases of abuse, but the reality is that most of the discord among us does not involve abuse. I do believe we should establish boundaries between us and those who continue to have the ability to hurt us, but we have to be aware of how easy a “boundary theology” can become an excuse to avoid reconciliation with our brothers and sisters.

When we basically ignore those fellow believers with whom we have disagreements, we are on very shaky biblical ground. Before I began writing this, I tried to think if there have been any times in my life where I have just cut people out of my life because I disagreed with them. I couldn’t think of one. I have friends and former students with whom I am still in touch that believe differently than me on a variety of theological and social issues. Yet, I cannot imagine thinking I need to avoid them or cut them out of my life. I have had people who have hurt me deeply (and perhaps I have hurt them) that I still long for reconciliation with them. What possible biblical reason could I have not to?

Jesus made two things very clear. First, people will know we are his followers by how we love our brothers and sisters. Overall, how are we doing on that score? Second, he desired that we be united together around our love for him. Again, how are we doing with that?

The world is lost and we Christians have the answer to their problem. Sadly, they don’t often listen because of what they witness among us. How can we, as Paul tells us, have a ministry of reconciling people to God when we fail so miserably at reconciling with one another? How can we exemplify unconditional love when so many of our relationships are conditioned on that we agree with one another?

I think we would be wise, particularly given where we currently are culturally, to step back and consider not only the commands of the Lord, but also his deep desire that we believers truly demonstrate love toward one another regardless of our beliefs or opinions. It is not only our witness to the world, but also is our greatest attribute.

© Jim Musser 2023 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.