When We Don’t Agree

Yesterday, I watched a video by Marty Solomon talking about believers disagreeing with one another. He said things that I’ve been thinking and doing for many years. His video put to mind to express them.

Since 2015, social media comments have been increasingly caustic and antagonistic, and lacking in love and gentleness. And I’m talking about by professed believers. I’ve been on the receiving end of a few of those, particularly when I have sought to mediate between believers who were vehemently disagreeing with one another in a way I thought inappropriate for those who claim to follow Jesus. Once, a person I know publicly ridiculed a fellow believer for a political stance she took. In a private message, I gently rebuked him for his tone. In response, he laid into me and refused to acknowledge the inappropriate tenor of his comments.

I am often appalled at what believers will say to each other when they disagree over politics, government policy, or even church doctrine. First, as Marty noted, why do we feel the need to comment publicly when a private interaction is much more appropriate? Or, as he also mentioned, why do we feel the need to comment at all? Is our opinion that crucial, or do we just feel the need to be heard?

There is also another troubling trend that I see. Often when believers disagree with someone, they just cut them off—leave the church, stop listening to a podcast, un-friending them on social media, or even, if a friend or someone close, stop associating with them altogether. Over the course of my life, I have had several believers just stop talking to me because of something I said, or they think I did. Years of interaction and friendship just suddenly done. No attempts to talk it through and to reconcile, or just to agree to disagree and carry on with the friendship. As is often said in our culture, they were ready to move on, albeit without a relationship with me.

Honestly, if I were to classify the hurts in my life, these rank as some of the deepest. I know there are exceptions where it is best for people just to move on without a particular relationship; however, I think many of us are too quick to evoke that reason over things that are miniscule in the grand scheme of things. Why discontinue a relationship because of differing political views or opinions on the mores of the culture? Why cut a brother or sister off merely because you were hurt or offended by something they said or did? Is not the love of Christ deeper and strong enough to overcome the offense and hurt? Is it not incumbent upon us as believers to make every effort at reconciliation? Of course, it won’t always be successful, but shouldn’t we try?

The reality of living in a fallen world is that relationships will often be a struggle, even with those we love the most. Yet should we not seek to emulate the love of our Lord, who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love?  When the world so easily discards relationships or is easily rude and abusive, should not the people of God be demonstrably different?

As Jesus told his disciples shortly before his departure from this world, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35) May it also be true of us.

© Jim Musser 2022 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.